+: This weekend, we toured with 6 fairly big bands through the Netherlands. The headliner was Nargaroth, famous for his BLAKKKKKK METALLLLL ISSTTT KRIEG! The singer, Kanwulf, is a complete ass, but we had fun nonetheless. With all the other bands, we hung out for two days discussing black metal, hardcore-punk, philosophy, but also playing football, throwing fruit at eachother and smiling a lot. SMILING IST KRIEG! Our shows went alright , even though I fucked up the first one. I was able to block a lot of things out these shows.
Because you may have seen/read about the shooting in Alphen aan den Rijn. The shopping centre is right next-door to my school, I go there every week, and I know that a lot of my (former) students work there and go there too. So you can imagine that hearing that news while driving to a show kinda shook things up for me.
We talked a bit about it, but mainly I was frantically searching for information. At the end of the afternoon, I at least found out that no-one I knew by name had died. Later on, it transpired that I did know one woman who was shot, but just by face. Yet still.
At the end of Sunday, I had read that 3 of my (former) students were eye-witnesses to the massacre of 7 people. I still can't imagine the pain and horror.
This Monday, I had to teach a lot of classes. But all of these were mostly spent on listening to each other, crying, discussing everything. I was grabbed by several students throughout the day because they wanted to speak to me, their former primary school teacher had been wounded, and they desperately wanted to visit him in the hospital. GO THEN! FUCK SCHOOL!
Needless to say, I didn't have the best night ever. The next day, yesterday, I just broke down. We had a meeting which felt absolutely useless to me, and I stood up and declared them all to be idiots, sitting here in a stuffed room, discussing how we shall deal with the not-making of homework, while we should be outside, at home, anywhere but here, listening to the world, eachother, our loved ones.
I left the room in tears and went home But later, I met, by chance, one of my students near the trains. I told her I ditched a meeting, and we started talking about what's important in life. We settled on passion. She passionately told me about how shw loves sewing now, making clothes for herself and her friend, and I saw her face lit up as never before. Again, I nearly cried because of the beauty of it. This girl reminded me again about what's important in life and what's the frills, decoration, stuffing.
Today I stayed home, trying to relax. It's not really working, perhaps I need some more time. I think I have all the time in the world.